Banbury Crossroads
Independent School

Section 10: Conflict Resolution Policy (March 2009) In providing opportunities for growth in our inter-personal wisdom and humanity, we expect commitment on all sides to come to mutually acceptable resolutions. Our goal is to focus on the positive experience that comes from developing negotiation and coping strategies while finding solutions that work. ***** Background: Conflict is a natural by-product of human interaction. We consider the resolution of interpersonal conflict as an integral part of a school that focuses on the learning of the ‘Whole Child’. We expect human expression/emotions as part of the process of communicating and learning, and indeed a healthy lifestyle in general. Members of the Banbury Learning Community have the right to express their opinions and feelings, as well as the right to resolve their problems in a respectful environment, as long as the resolution of conflict contains safeguards for the individuals concerned—that of respect for each one's dignity, thoughts and needs. In support of this belief, we take a two-step procedural approach—rights and responsibilities—to address the spectrum of interventions required to resolve problems for members of our School Community. Students spend a great deal of time at this school in discussions regarding life, social topics, academic challenges, and emotional issues. It’s not the scary, stereotypical “meeting in the Principal’s Office”. We feel very proud to offer this kind of personal mentorship, and we have discovered over the years that our students become comfortable with the process of negotiation and problem solving through this method. The development of interpersonal understanding, compassion, social responsibility, trust, respect and personal empowerment are the ultimate goals of conflict resolution. Principles Based Approach: General guidelines regarding acceptable social behaviour have evolved from input by all stakeholders in the Banbury Learning Community. These guidelines are publically displayed as Banbury Learning Village: Rights and Responsibilities. Note below the lack of specific rules. All of the essential needs of students and staff fall into the category of rights, and all of the responsibilities that seem self-evident can be described as being complementary action steps in support of those rights. The Rights and Responsibilities are as follows: It is our RIGHT to: It is our RESPONSIBILITY to: Have our things left alone. Leave other people’s things alone, or ask to borrow something. Say “no” and have our wishes respected. Listen to other people and respect them. Problem –solve. Solve problems with the people involved, and seek assistance from a teacher if necessary. Be heard and listened to. Show good listening skills. Work in peace. Leave others alone when they are working. Be safe both physically and emotionally. Keep our hands and feet to ourselves. Speak nicely to one another. Privacy. Allow people their space. To this end, teachers’ counsel and mentor learners with different strategies that can be used when dealing with conflicts, as well as model for the learner through best practice behavior. Through communication and mediation, teachers hope to assist all the parties concerned to achieve new insights for conflict resolution. We realize that change takes time and understanding. It may be a long and difficult process, with change required on both sides, in order to come to a mutually-satisfactory solution. All parties must be willing to return to the resolution process if the problem persists. Strategies are different for each situation, and for the particular people involved. Nevertheless, there are some basic problem-solving techniques that are commonly used for resolving conflicts. Banbury encourages the communication steps that are outlined in Parent Effectiveness Training. Procedures: Anyone perceiving that a conflict may be developing should first take their concerns directly, informally and verbally to any and all parties involved. At this point, we encourage communication between the individuals involved to come to a reasonable solution themselves. Please see the list of strategies below: In voicing concerns, consideration for each other will be extended: Keep the topic of discussion the concern and/or the problem and not the person(s) involved. Use of “I” statements are strongly encouraged. Demonstrate a desire to reach a solution by allowing everyone involved time to express their opinions, and by listening carefully, so that each person speaking feels heard and has their feelings respected. It is helpful for both the message deliverers and the message listeners to feel heard. The use of ‘paraphrasing’ as in “I heard you say…” is an active form of message confirmation. Avoid the use of communication roadblocks like name-calling, sarcasm, threats, generalizations, unwanted advice, or the silent treatment. It is our primary goal to reach, by consensus, agreements whereby BOTH PARTIES WIN. The underlying basis for all discussions and problem-resolutions is the attempt to behave in an UNCONDITIONALLY CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER. Punishments and rewards are avoided. When discovering differences in values, resolutions may be more difficult, and if common ground cannot be found, parties may agree to disagree and drop the topic. If a resolution of concerns has not been met by the participants themselves, we encourage students to seek out a teacher, or some other neutral party, to act as a mediator. Then, any adult who is asked to get involved will: ensure that all parties are aware that a mediator is now involved, and that they agree that everyone involved will be present in the process to achieving an expedited solution. in order to prevent hearsay, and to allow participants to speak for themselves, first ask the them what happened from their points of view, and what strategies they have attempted so far. If certain necessary steps were omitted, the adult may help that person to create the words and behaviours to use, in order to complete step 1. ensure that all information needed to bring about a solution has been brought forward and examined in a non-threatening way by all involved in step 1. remain neutral throughout, and ask questions to clarify the issues, overt thoughts and underlying emotions involved. model active listening through paraphrasing with empathy and compassion, and encourage the use of “I” messages. ensure that all parties will be heard without interruption, and encourage the expression and acknowledgement of feelings. Take turns, to avoid an individual monopolizing the conversation. discuss similarities and differences in viewpoints to clarify misunderstandings. This alone may reveal a resolution. if the dispute is complex, ask what different and creative options there are for resolving it, and for avoiding similar disputes in the future. find elements of common purpose in order to come to a workable position of win-win for all parties that addresses all aspects of the dispute. encourage compromise, collaboration and altruistic thinking. arrange for follow-up meetings to assess progress. understand that sometimes problems do not get “solved” right away, according to all parties involved, since: all the elements crucial to the issue may not have been identified, and thus remain unaddressed, or the parties at stake have different priorities and are aiming in different directions. if the problem persists, review steps above. at appropriate times, ask parents to join a problem solving session, when doing so would add wise words or emotional support. inform parents afterwards about the process if the circumstances are of a serious nature and require parental input or assistance. Conflict resolution between parents and staff, students or administration will be handled in a manner consistent with the two steps outlined above. In addition: It may happen that, having attempted a resolution according to the procedures described above, the first steps may prove unsuccessful. At that point, a formal complaint may be written and submitted to the Principal, who will set up a meeting to discuss the matter. If the matter is resolved at the initial meeting, the resolution will be recorded and signed by the Principal, the complainant, and other parties involved. When a family/student seems in crisis, professional counseling will be highly recommended for change to occur. When resolution seems impossible between the parties involved, then the intervention of a mutually-acceptable formal mediator may be requested by either party. Any resulting costs must be negotiated. What we want: What we don’t want: students having a voice students becoming confident in expressing their opinions and bringing up problems to solve lots of discussions attempts for win/ win solutions good negotiation and communication practices of P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) active listening attitude of caring, gentleness and helpfulness desire to understand empathy parent/teacher team efforts encouragement and positive outlooks analytical approach long term and deep solutions persistence in revisiting on-going problems until they are solved children helping children kindly atmosphere emphasis on student autonomy respect between ages students afraid to discuss issues students letting problems fester emphasis on punishment and reward methods students being told what the consequences will be and having them applied without discussion harsh words and actions quick and arbitrary judgments short term, shallow solutions win/lose solutions stressful, competitive atmosphere adults focused on power and control